Henry and Larry

Larry: Henry, that’s not going to work. You need more than just a leather jacket to get girls.

Henry: I’m serious Larry, that’s what I read in this magazine. Why would the magazine lie to me?

Larry: The same reason a girl wouldn’t date you.

Henry: Oh, so I guess having a Yu Gi Oh poster and an action figure collection bigger then superman’s ego makes you a lady killer.

Larry: Yeah, actually it does. In fact you’re talking to the owner of his very own girlfriend.

Henry: What? No way! What’s her name? Does she like Yu Gi Oh too? When do I meet her? Is she a blonde? Have you had sex? Did she give you an std? Oh my god did you get her pregnant? Can the baby be named after m...

Larry: Woah, calm down friend, I haven’t actually met her yet. But, we are supposed to be getting married once she arrives from Korea next week.

Henry: You’re getting married!!!!!! So, I assume I will be your best man! Wait, Korea? When did you go to Korea?

Larry: I haven’t.

Henry: Wait, you didn’t?

Larry: What?

Henry: A mail order bride!?

Larry: Actually the politically correct term is planned and paid for engagement or just a PP engagement for short.

Henry: This woman probably doesn’t even speak English

Larry: Hey, don’t talk about my fiancé that way!

Henry: You haven’t even met her yet!

Larry: Yeah, but the picture on the site, her deep black eyes and straight black hair; I fell in love, Henry. I don’t expect you to understand this but trust me it will happen to you one day, bud.

Henry: You have gone completely insane! You can’t actually believe that is actually the girl who is coming here next week. For all you know it could be some 500 lb retired women’s sumo wrestler who has dreams of becoming the new Asian Oprah.
Larry: Whoa, now you’re just being ignorant. Sumo wrestling is from Japan. Not all Asians are the same; and now I am part of an interracial couple, I can be thoroughly upset and maybe even call you on a hate crime, but since you’re my friend I will spare you from my powers of racial minority.

Henry: Oh, I’m sorry I was unaware that buying a mail order bride turns you into Malcolm X.

Larry: I accept your apology. Now, come on let’s go or we will miss the comic convention and we don’t want to miss out on all the hot chicks that leather jacket is going to get us.

Henry: I will choose to ignore your sarcasm.
(SFX: Door opening , door closing, Walking down street)

Larry: Henry, look it’s her! She’s here! Early! She must have not been able to wait! I knew she felt the same, I could tell!
Henry: This is just too messed up for words, why couldn’t you have just used the internet for porn like everyone else?

Larry: You couldn’t understand, you don’t know what love is.

Henry: How do you know that is even her, she’s just some Asian woman walking down your street, there is more chance of me playing professional sports than that being your mail order bride.

Larry: PP Engagement! And that’s my wife, I can feel it I’m going for it.

Larry: HELLO! MY NAME IS LARRY, I AM GOING TO BE YOUR HUSBAND! I LOVE YOU!

AW: 승리했지만 당일 싫 영어. 당신은 누구세요?

Larry: Don’t worry come with me, you will learn English soon enough my love.

AW: 나는 승리했지만 당일 미안하는지 모르겠지?

Henry: I see she came willing, I’m surprised.

Larry: Love overcomes all language barriers we could tell just by looking each other
deep into the eyes it’s like magic.

Henry: So, I was right she doesn’t speak English.

Larry: Come on, don’t just stand there let’s bring her inside and let her get settled.

Henry: I think she’d feel more settled with a green card and visa but what do I know
I thought a leather coat would help me meet girls.

Larry: You know that Beatles song all you need is love? I think it’s true. That’s all we need. I don’t even feel confided by the restrictions and limitations of reality anymore. Love has freed me!

AW :승리했지만 당일 싫 영어. 당신은 누구세요?

Larry: Hahaha oh Linda, you’re so hilarious where do you come up with stuff like that?

Henry: Linda? You named her! This is a person not some pet!

Larry: Well, I have to call her something and it’s not like I got a name on the website, just a picture.

Henry: I think the internet has desensitized your brain to the point where basic moral value is destroyed, take a look at yourself in the mirror.

Larry: Linda, have I ever told you, that you have the most beautiful eyes!

Henry: You told me she did.

Larry: Shut up, Henry.

Henry: What’s she doing now?
(phone sounds)

Aw: 안녕하십니까 데리러 와 오겠지 모르겠 승리했지만 당일 무슨 일이 일어나고 있습니다.

Henry: Whoa, check out that phone! It looks better then my laptop.

Larry: She must be calling her family and telling them about the wedding. Oh the Wedding! There’s so much work to do, now that she came early we have to order the cake and the flowers and get a venue on such short notice is gunna be difficult but anything for love I guess.

Henry: I assume you’ve thought of kids names already.

Larry: I was thinking Yugi for a son and Pepper for a girl it combines my two loves; yu gi oh and iron man how cool is that.

Henry: I wish all decisions could be made using comic logic but sadly we live in something called the real world soooo no it is not “cool”.

Larry: Fine. Then, they can’t can you uncle Henry, instead I will train them to call you Doctor Doom Destroyer of dreams.

Henry: Have you noticed you have this weird thing were you treat all humans like pets.

Larry: No, I don’t.

Henry: “I will train them to call you doctor doom” Is that after you train them to roll over? I suggest you cover basic commands like sit and stay to start.

Larry: Look at her, isn’t she beautiful, just sitting there looking out that widow and into her new life with me.

Henry: It looks more like she is looking for something out there.

Larry: Henry, that’s just the look of love

Henry: So when I’m in love I will look up and down the street out my window?

Larry: It will happen one day don’t you worry friend.

Henry: I hope this never happens to me, just being here is sort of creeping me out. You can’t just marry and live with a woman you don’t even know and can’t even talk to, it’s insane.

Larry: Henry, this PP engagement is one of the best things to ever happen to me, she makes me wanna try in life, she gives me a reason to wake up in the morning, if I didn’t have her I would be nothing just a stain on the rug of life

Henry: So, ten minutes ago you were a stain?

Larry: It seems life times ago, but yes I was once like you my friend, but I found
Linda.

Henry: Stop calling her that, it’s not her name.

Larry: How would you know Mr. Smarty pants, last time I checked you didn’t speak Korean either.

Henry: I don’t. I’m just saying what are the chances that your mail order bride from
Korea is named Linda? I just can’t see it.

Larry: You can’t see a lot of things can you.

Henry: Is that supposed to be a glasses joke?

Larry: Maybe.

Henry: ..
(Knocking at door)

Henry: Who could that be?

Larry: Oh, it must be the wedding planner!

Henry: Wedding Planner! There is no way any wedding planner would do a mail order bride wedding.

Larry: Yellow pages my friend, yellow pages.

Henry: I should have been a jock in high school and made normal friends

Larry: Yeah, I bet you hitting puberty before 18 would have been great but some people are just late bloomers.

Henry: You’re a dick.
(door Opening)

Cameron: Hey, hi and hello I’m your wedding planner Cameron! We are gunna make this wedding the most super duper amazing wedding since Ellen and Portia’s wedding, I’m seeing classic white with and new flare of pink, are you with me?

Larry: uh..

Cameron: How do you feel about ice sculptures? Michael Angelo's David is stunning in ice, it add a certain glisten to muscular physique that I think adds something that Michael could have never done. Oh and flowers! How about some white Calla lilies with an arrangement of pink tulips around them for the center pieces; White table cloths with embroidered pink flowers all along the trim. It will spectacular !

Larry: And how much is all this going to cost?

Cameron: Well, we will discuss specifics later first lets meet the bride, I’m sure she has lost of input!

Henry: Yeah, tons of input hahahaha.

Larry: She is just in here.

Cameron: HI! I’m your wedding planner Cameron.

AW: 승리했지만 당일 싫 영어. 당신은 누구세요?

Cameron: Um ok, well does she speak any English?

Larry: Well, no not yet she is new to the country.

Cameron: Oh, is this a PP engagement?

Henry: Wait what? How can you say that so casually! We found this woman outside on
our street!

Larry: She came early.

Cameron: PP Engagements are common occurrence in lonely white males over 30, but I wish you had told me ahead of time this changes the whole plan, I’m thinking classic white wedding with a flare of oriental taste, this makes the food totally different, how about a buffet of chicken wings and kimchi spring rolls?

Larry: That sounds great!

Henry: That sounds idiotic

Cameron: I’m sorry you feel that way about it buddy but it doesn’t look your the one
getting married here.

Larry: Someone sounds jealous.

Henry: Jealousy is the farthest thing from what I am; a more correct term might be
mystified or confused.

Larry: Don’t worry about him he’s just a Debbie downer so what’s this about ice sculptures?
(knocking at door)

Larry: Oh, is that your partner or something?

Cameron: It couldn’t be roger is in Miami for a men’s beach volleyball tournament.

Henry: Maybe it’s immigration coming to shut this down!
(Door Opening)

Larry: Um, hello

Albert: Hi my wife has been calling me, she said she need to be pick up, who are you!

Larry: I think you’re mistaken the only woman here is my soon to be wife.

Henry: But don’t worry 80% of marriages end in divorce.

AW: 안녕하세요, 우리가 마음대로 할 수 있습니다.

Albert: 그렇다, 그 다음 순간 , actually it is you who is mistaken, that’s my wife, she is new to the country, I’ve been working here for a year while she was waiting to get her visa, she left this morning to look around and I guess ran into you, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, we will be leaving.

Larry: What! Leaving! No not with Linda! We are in love! What about Yugi and Pepper! And Michael Angelo's David! Fine we can have a cat! Just please don’t leave me!!!!!

Henry: I’m sorry about him, he just had to much caffeine this morning and it makes him a bit uppity but a nap should solve that. Let’s just pretend it never happened.

Albert: I see your friend is in a lot of pain so I won’t call the police but I do suggest you find him some sort of help or at least someone he can speak to.

Henry: Thanks, a lot.

Larry: Home wrecker!!!!!!!
(door closes)

Larry: Oh, the pangs of despised love how you torture this soul of mine!

Cameron: Oopsy daisy, that looks like some bad luck, we won’t talk money now, I will just send an invoice in the mail. Byeee!
(door opens, door closes)

Henry: So you learn anything today?

Larry: (sniffle) Yeah, I guess so.

Henry: And...

Larry: Don’t pick up random women off the street unless you’re sure it’s your future wife.

Henry: Um, okay. I guess you did learn that, but I was thinking more; don’t fall in love so easily.

Larry: I’m not that upset, just disappointed. I mean it’s not like I never will have a beautiful wife, I just have to wait a week until she actually comes from Korea, then we’ll have a wedding with ice sculptures and spring rolls. It will be magical.

Henry: Larry you can’t... actually yeah Larry it will be, magical.

THE END