Consumtion In an Age of Decline

Consume till you die and then leave your family some money. They can consume some more until they die, it`s only fair, don’t be selfish!

Why live off the land when we have Snuggies and Magic Bullets.

Five easy payments and seven deadly sins

Wrap your life up in bubble wrap and ship it to your front door, sign for it, now don’t you feel better?

Uh oh! Version 2.0 came out and it`s a hot item,

Hop in your car made in the country you can’t pronounce and fill it full of all the life`s lost for your trip and then call it just.

Bring yourself to tear of joy when Jesus was born because you got a Wii

Huxley saw it coming but we enjoy it too much

This is the grave we dug and the choice we made

Drown yourself in the useless shit that brings you those sparks of life

Tell yourself you’re different `cause the clothes you wear are urban

You live in the city but you live in its sin

The billboards, the buses, the drinks, telling you what to buy next when will we run out, when will we have it all, when will enough be enough, or is there such thing

Do we live to consume and consume to live?

Is this vicious circle the circle of life?

So many questions and so few answers in a world where down is the new up

It’s hard to find time to stop and just smell the roses when it costs 5 dollars a rose

If you`re rich come on in; private education for you

Advantage for the strong and obstacle courses for the weak

Bring me justice in a paper bag and tell me about lives lost and life`s cost

Because the wars we wage are just and the men who wage them are right

Change of course in God`s great plan; 50% and bring your coupons

St. Peter can validate your parking at the Pearly Gates

Cause heaven`s not a place you go when you die, it’s a place you go when you want to buy.

Henry and Larry

Larry: Henry, that’s not going to work. You need more than just a leather jacket to get girls.

Henry: I’m serious Larry, that’s what I read in this magazine. Why would the magazine lie to me?

Larry: The same reason a girl wouldn’t date you.

Henry: Oh, so I guess having a Yu Gi Oh poster and an action figure collection bigger then superman’s ego makes you a lady killer.

Larry: Yeah, actually it does. In fact you’re talking to the owner of his very own girlfriend.

Henry: What? No way! What’s her name? Does she like Yu Gi Oh too? When do I meet her? Is she a blonde? Have you had sex? Did she give you an std? Oh my god did you get her pregnant? Can the baby be named after m...

Larry: Woah, calm down friend, I haven’t actually met her yet. But, we are supposed to be getting married once she arrives from Korea next week.

Henry: You’re getting married!!!!!! So, I assume I will be your best man! Wait, Korea? When did you go to Korea?

Larry: I haven’t.

Henry: Wait, you didn’t?

Larry: What?

Henry: A mail order bride!?

Larry: Actually the politically correct term is planned and paid for engagement or just a PP engagement for short.

Henry: This woman probably doesn’t even speak English

Larry: Hey, don’t talk about my fiancé that way!

Henry: You haven’t even met her yet!

Larry: Yeah, but the picture on the site, her deep black eyes and straight black hair; I fell in love, Henry. I don’t expect you to understand this but trust me it will happen to you one day, bud.

Henry: You have gone completely insane! You can’t actually believe that is actually the girl who is coming here next week. For all you know it could be some 500 lb retired women’s sumo wrestler who has dreams of becoming the new Asian Oprah.
Larry: Whoa, now you’re just being ignorant. Sumo wrestling is from Japan. Not all Asians are the same; and now I am part of an interracial couple, I can be thoroughly upset and maybe even call you on a hate crime, but since you’re my friend I will spare you from my powers of racial minority.

Henry: Oh, I’m sorry I was unaware that buying a mail order bride turns you into Malcolm X.

Larry: I accept your apology. Now, come on let’s go or we will miss the comic convention and we don’t want to miss out on all the hot chicks that leather jacket is going to get us.

Henry: I will choose to ignore your sarcasm.
(SFX: Door opening , door closing, Walking down street)

Larry: Henry, look it’s her! She’s here! Early! She must have not been able to wait! I knew she felt the same, I could tell!
Henry: This is just too messed up for words, why couldn’t you have just used the internet for porn like everyone else?

Larry: You couldn’t understand, you don’t know what love is.

Henry: How do you know that is even her, she’s just some Asian woman walking down your street, there is more chance of me playing professional sports than that being your mail order bride.

Larry: PP Engagement! And that’s my wife, I can feel it I’m going for it.

Larry: HELLO! MY NAME IS LARRY, I AM GOING TO BE YOUR HUSBAND! I LOVE YOU!

AW: 승리했지만 당일 싫 영어. 당신은 누구세요?

Larry: Don’t worry come with me, you will learn English soon enough my love.

AW: 나는 승리했지만 당일 미안하는지 모르겠지?

Henry: I see she came willing, I’m surprised.

Larry: Love overcomes all language barriers we could tell just by looking each other
deep into the eyes it’s like magic.

Henry: So, I was right she doesn’t speak English.

Larry: Come on, don’t just stand there let’s bring her inside and let her get settled.

Henry: I think she’d feel more settled with a green card and visa but what do I know
I thought a leather coat would help me meet girls.

Larry: You know that Beatles song all you need is love? I think it’s true. That’s all we need. I don’t even feel confided by the restrictions and limitations of reality anymore. Love has freed me!

AW :승리했지만 당일 싫 영어. 당신은 누구세요?

Larry: Hahaha oh Linda, you’re so hilarious where do you come up with stuff like that?

Henry: Linda? You named her! This is a person not some pet!

Larry: Well, I have to call her something and it’s not like I got a name on the website, just a picture.

Henry: I think the internet has desensitized your brain to the point where basic moral value is destroyed, take a look at yourself in the mirror.

Larry: Linda, have I ever told you, that you have the most beautiful eyes!

Henry: You told me she did.

Larry: Shut up, Henry.

Henry: What’s she doing now?
(phone sounds)

Aw: 안녕하십니까 데리러 와 오겠지 모르겠 승리했지만 당일 무슨 일이 일어나고 있습니다.

Henry: Whoa, check out that phone! It looks better then my laptop.

Larry: She must be calling her family and telling them about the wedding. Oh the Wedding! There’s so much work to do, now that she came early we have to order the cake and the flowers and get a venue on such short notice is gunna be difficult but anything for love I guess.

Henry: I assume you’ve thought of kids names already.

Larry: I was thinking Yugi for a son and Pepper for a girl it combines my two loves; yu gi oh and iron man how cool is that.

Henry: I wish all decisions could be made using comic logic but sadly we live in something called the real world soooo no it is not “cool”.

Larry: Fine. Then, they can’t can you uncle Henry, instead I will train them to call you Doctor Doom Destroyer of dreams.

Henry: Have you noticed you have this weird thing were you treat all humans like pets.

Larry: No, I don’t.

Henry: “I will train them to call you doctor doom” Is that after you train them to roll over? I suggest you cover basic commands like sit and stay to start.

Larry: Look at her, isn’t she beautiful, just sitting there looking out that widow and into her new life with me.

Henry: It looks more like she is looking for something out there.

Larry: Henry, that’s just the look of love

Henry: So when I’m in love I will look up and down the street out my window?

Larry: It will happen one day don’t you worry friend.

Henry: I hope this never happens to me, just being here is sort of creeping me out. You can’t just marry and live with a woman you don’t even know and can’t even talk to, it’s insane.

Larry: Henry, this PP engagement is one of the best things to ever happen to me, she makes me wanna try in life, she gives me a reason to wake up in the morning, if I didn’t have her I would be nothing just a stain on the rug of life

Henry: So, ten minutes ago you were a stain?

Larry: It seems life times ago, but yes I was once like you my friend, but I found
Linda.

Henry: Stop calling her that, it’s not her name.

Larry: How would you know Mr. Smarty pants, last time I checked you didn’t speak Korean either.

Henry: I don’t. I’m just saying what are the chances that your mail order bride from
Korea is named Linda? I just can’t see it.

Larry: You can’t see a lot of things can you.

Henry: Is that supposed to be a glasses joke?

Larry: Maybe.

Henry: ..
(Knocking at door)

Henry: Who could that be?

Larry: Oh, it must be the wedding planner!

Henry: Wedding Planner! There is no way any wedding planner would do a mail order bride wedding.

Larry: Yellow pages my friend, yellow pages.

Henry: I should have been a jock in high school and made normal friends

Larry: Yeah, I bet you hitting puberty before 18 would have been great but some people are just late bloomers.

Henry: You’re a dick.
(door Opening)

Cameron: Hey, hi and hello I’m your wedding planner Cameron! We are gunna make this wedding the most super duper amazing wedding since Ellen and Portia’s wedding, I’m seeing classic white with and new flare of pink, are you with me?

Larry: uh..

Cameron: How do you feel about ice sculptures? Michael Angelo's David is stunning in ice, it add a certain glisten to muscular physique that I think adds something that Michael could have never done. Oh and flowers! How about some white Calla lilies with an arrangement of pink tulips around them for the center pieces; White table cloths with embroidered pink flowers all along the trim. It will spectacular !

Larry: And how much is all this going to cost?

Cameron: Well, we will discuss specifics later first lets meet the bride, I’m sure she has lost of input!

Henry: Yeah, tons of input hahahaha.

Larry: She is just in here.

Cameron: HI! I’m your wedding planner Cameron.

AW: 승리했지만 당일 싫 영어. 당신은 누구세요?

Cameron: Um ok, well does she speak any English?

Larry: Well, no not yet she is new to the country.

Cameron: Oh, is this a PP engagement?

Henry: Wait what? How can you say that so casually! We found this woman outside on
our street!

Larry: She came early.

Cameron: PP Engagements are common occurrence in lonely white males over 30, but I wish you had told me ahead of time this changes the whole plan, I’m thinking classic white wedding with a flare of oriental taste, this makes the food totally different, how about a buffet of chicken wings and kimchi spring rolls?

Larry: That sounds great!

Henry: That sounds idiotic

Cameron: I’m sorry you feel that way about it buddy but it doesn’t look your the one
getting married here.

Larry: Someone sounds jealous.

Henry: Jealousy is the farthest thing from what I am; a more correct term might be
mystified or confused.

Larry: Don’t worry about him he’s just a Debbie downer so what’s this about ice sculptures?
(knocking at door)

Larry: Oh, is that your partner or something?

Cameron: It couldn’t be roger is in Miami for a men’s beach volleyball tournament.

Henry: Maybe it’s immigration coming to shut this down!
(Door Opening)

Larry: Um, hello

Albert: Hi my wife has been calling me, she said she need to be pick up, who are you!

Larry: I think you’re mistaken the only woman here is my soon to be wife.

Henry: But don’t worry 80% of marriages end in divorce.

AW: 안녕하세요, 우리가 마음대로 할 수 있습니다.

Albert: 그렇다, 그 다음 순간 , actually it is you who is mistaken, that’s my wife, she is new to the country, I’ve been working here for a year while she was waiting to get her visa, she left this morning to look around and I guess ran into you, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, we will be leaving.

Larry: What! Leaving! No not with Linda! We are in love! What about Yugi and Pepper! And Michael Angelo's David! Fine we can have a cat! Just please don’t leave me!!!!!

Henry: I’m sorry about him, he just had to much caffeine this morning and it makes him a bit uppity but a nap should solve that. Let’s just pretend it never happened.

Albert: I see your friend is in a lot of pain so I won’t call the police but I do suggest you find him some sort of help or at least someone he can speak to.

Henry: Thanks, a lot.

Larry: Home wrecker!!!!!!!
(door closes)

Larry: Oh, the pangs of despised love how you torture this soul of mine!

Cameron: Oopsy daisy, that looks like some bad luck, we won’t talk money now, I will just send an invoice in the mail. Byeee!
(door opens, door closes)

Henry: So you learn anything today?

Larry: (sniffle) Yeah, I guess so.

Henry: And...

Larry: Don’t pick up random women off the street unless you’re sure it’s your future wife.

Henry: Um, okay. I guess you did learn that, but I was thinking more; don’t fall in love so easily.

Larry: I’m not that upset, just disappointed. I mean it’s not like I never will have a beautiful wife, I just have to wait a week until she actually comes from Korea, then we’ll have a wedding with ice sculptures and spring rolls. It will be magical.

Henry: Larry you can’t... actually yeah Larry it will be, magical.

THE END

Prologue

Sometimes I wonder whether or not it is hypocritical for someone to hate life, and yet still live it, I mean it’s impossible to judge if life is by choice or not, because who is to say I ever wanted to be born in the first place. We all know how babies are made and understand the sperm race that ensues after, so what are all those little sperms thinking? How great would it be if they got a date for the sperm dance tonight? Or hoping that they get that project done for the class tomorrow? Well, of course that not what they’re thinking, at least not yet give it nine months and about seventeen years that’s about the time when you start to think that big race you ran, wasn’t quite worth it. I Wake up every day at 6, get nagged by the two people who decided it would be a good idea to bring me into this world, walk out into the cold morning and stand at a bus stop with a couple of other people who are slaves to a similar system, and then once the bus arrives I hop on, pay my money, and get my daily drive to school.

School is what every single child dreads. It strips you of all the innocence and ignorance that makes childhood one of the most enjoyable stages of life. The age old dispute of “ignorance is bliss” comes into my mind constantly as I sit in my English class, peering out the window at the park below, I see all the small children playing in the sand, not a worry or care in the world. It’s as if the “meaning of life” means so little to them. Like the whole reason of our labouring society is pointless in its endeavours to educate, and progress forward into the future. If only god had made us all our own individual remotes for our own little worlds, just so every once and a while we could press pause, and just enjoy life instead of just constantly living it. As I sit here listening to the teacher go on about the proper way to cite work for in MLA format, I wonder why we are persistently trying to make the processes of life and society more convoluted.

Sandbox

The sun beat down hard upon the sandbox this one Monday afternoon. Billy was making his way to the park with his mother as he did every day. Although this day he had been to the doctor and was given a bright red lollipop which Billy picked out after his check up. Billy clutched the lollipop tightly in his left hand as he walk down the trail with his mother, he planned on opening it once he had arrived at the park, so he could make his friends jealous with the temptation of the red sticky treat. As Billy walked he imagined the looks he would get, and the envy that would surface as his friends begged for lick.

As Billy arrived at the park, it didn’t take long for him to realize his anticipation was deluded. He walked up into the sandbox and majestically held up the bright red lollipop, on display for all to see. As Billy slowly removed its wrapper, as it glistened in the bright of the sun, he noticed what was going on around him, not one child had even given a glance towards him or his bright red lollipop. In fact, they were all gathered on the far side of the sandbox. As Billy approached the group, he saw his friends Beth, Frank and, Will all sitting together in the back of the group, and all the kids were listening to John talk. John was an older boy who still came to the park, even though he was a couple years older than the rest of the children, and had just moved up to junior high school. All the children respected John, and looked up to him as a much smarter and wiser kid. It was known that if anyone had a problem in the sandbox, John would solve it. Beth filled Billy in on what had happened while he was at the doctor she said that “John got on top of the jungle gym and announced that there was gunna be an important meeting on the far side of The Box and that everyone should come, whoa where’d you get that! ” Beth exclaimed pointing to the yet to be licked lollipop, hanging out of Billy’s hand. Before Billy could explain his trip to the doctor and tell of his good fortune he was interrupted by John “Can’t you see that you can do better than lollipops! Do you not understand that we must take what we want! We must rise up against the oppression of this authority called our parents, we must create our own world, our own society. Free yourselves from the ignorance and open your minds, you must work for a better life and eventually you will live a better life. It is about progress!” With this, the kids cheered and threw sand up into the air. Everyone but Billy, who sat confused in the sand and wondered why the kids would rally against their parents. After all his mom and dad loved him, fed him and, gave him toys. Sure, sometimes he would get in trouble for being too loud or for saying a bad word; but he understood that’s just how the world worked. Why try to fix something that as far as Billy could see, wasn’t even broken. But John’s words had done it, the change was instant in the children, John had showed them the promise of equality and progress. “We will begin our rebellion by showing the adults that we are there equals, no more T-shirts with cats on them” John said pointedly towards a strange, round faced boy in the front row who had on a shirt with a playful cartoon cat on it. “We will dress as they do, we will show them that we have the ability of discipline and order. We will show those adults that we can use your minds that we will have purpose!” Johns confidence and coolness of speech controlled the audience. Next, John split up the children into different groups, and sent them out to various department stores around the town, where they were to steal different for the rebellion; Spray paint, crow bars, rope, banners and more. Everyone in The Sandbox, or The Box as it was now referred to had succumbed to the rebellion. Everyone but Billy, who sat on the outskirts of The Box playing with his toy dump trucks, Billy had decided that he wasn’t going to take part in the rebellion he just didn’t see the point in working for some joint purpose. Why bother with changing the world, why not just let things happen the way they do and leave it at that he thought. He didn’t want to be an adult. He saw his mom and dad fight over pieces of paper every night, and he knew that being an adult meant that he wouldn’t be able to just enjoy sitting and playing with trucks anymore, he knew that if he was an adult he would always want more and what is the point in wanting more when you’re happy with what you have.

As Billy sat playing with his trucks he noticed Beth making her way across The Box in his direction, she was dressed in a deep purple pants suit with a silver pin stripe, her hair had been tightly sleeked back into a bun, and she carried two black pencils on opposing angles to form an X. She stopped abruptly in front of Billy and glared down at him, she seemed so much bigger and important to Billy, but he wasn’t going to let himself be intimidated. “Hey Beth wanna come play?” Billy asked as he held up his truck “See this one actually has a button that you press and ...” Beth cut him off “Actually I’m here on behalf of The Box it seems you have not been paying your Box taxes and it seems we are going to have to do some repossessing” with that Beth grabbed Billy’s truck form his hand and walked off. Billy was shocked; he and Beth had been best friends forever. How could she just come and take away Billy’s truck that he had bought with his allowance. Billy felt tears begin to form in the corners of his eyes as he began to cry. He had been betrayed by his own friend all because of this so called progress. What could he do but sit on the outskirts of the box and cry, and hope that everything would go back to the way it was before.

The next day Billy came to the box with three dollar he had gotten from the tooth fairy. He was ecstatic that he had been visited by the tooth fairy, and had come into the park with a smile plastered across his face. He walked down past the jungle gym which had recently been turned into the headquarters for the first mayor of The Box, Billy had overheard kids talking about something called an election and that John won the title of mayor. None of this mattered to Billy, he would just walked on through until he heard a familiar voice “hey Billy, hey!” Billy spun around and saw his two friends Larry and Will both of them were dressed in matching suits the only difference was, Larry had on a gold tie while Will had on a silver one. “ How can you have that smile on your face! Did you hear about the price of oil? It went up 5 percent yesterday!” Larry asked Billy with a tone of urgency in his voice. Billy just stared back at them in confusion, he didn’t understand a word of what Larry had asked, and he wondered what oil even had to do with life in the sand box but instead of looking stupid, Billy decided to change the topic to something he knew he couldn’t look dumb for and that was his tooth fairy money. “Hey I just got three dollars from the tooth fairy last night. My mom said I might only get a dollar but she said I must have got three cause of how good I’ve been.” Will and Larry responded with a burst of laughter “oh children these days will believe anything.” Will said between his laughter.

Billy, vexed with the laughter turned and ran down to the bench just outside of the park. He sat down and began to sob uncontrollably, he was being stripped of his innocence, and he could feel it falling away from him, he knew it was only a couple of years until it disappeared all together. The lust for simplicity in life, progressively faded in front of his own youthful eyes, as the reality and weight of the world was knocking at the doors of his mind. Responsibility, independence, life was rushing at him with full force, and he just wished it could stay the way it was. Billy wished he could just make it all stop, so he could just enjoy but it was too late the change had already begun.

The Memories of Lost Love

“You get so upset over nothing!” she screamed as she slammed the car door behind her.
“Lisa get back in the car! It’s starting to rain.” I called after her as I slowly drove beside her. It’s surprising how quickly a conversation can escalate to the point where your girlfriend feels the need to get out of your car and start walking down the side of a country road; miles from anything other than a road side sweet corn stand that had more spider webs then the underside of a sandbox.
I guess it all started when my girlfriend Lisa and I decided to go on a little road trip down to Montréal. We had both just turned 18 and we had planned to go to a few bars and live the underage dream of cigarettes and booze. Of course we didn’t take into account that her ex-boyfriend Brad would call me slurring a symphony of drunken truths; like how when I was away with my family in Costa Rica, Lisa paid him a “very friendly” visit which I was totally unaware of until about five minutes ago. So as I drove slowly along side my now pending girlfriend pleading her to get back into the car but thinking about how good it would feel just to step on the gas and leave her to the roadside cobweb shelter.
I hadn’t even gotten that mad really, I thought I reacted quite well for a man who had just gotten the ultimate kick in the balls from karma or fate or from whatever lead my girlfriend to Brad’s house, while I was learning that orange Fanta looks the same going down as it does going back up. But of course she instantly started to spew out excuses like she was five and had just stomped all over her mother new flower garden, except the difference was she was 18 and had just stomped all over my heart. What she did was unforgivable but I found the fear of being alone overcame my reason and I needed her back, I couldn’t let her walk down that country road and out of my life. I couldn’t go back to the single life where rejection was a day to day routine like eating or breathing, I couldn’t give up the feeling of being in love even if that meant giving up my dignity or at least what was left of it. I felt like stopping and getting out my pen and left over napkins to start making a list of pros vs. Cons or whys and why nots; pro: singing Bohemian Rhapsody on our way to friends places (no music necessary). Con: shaving my beard because “when I kiss you it’s like kissing a bear.” Which Lisa so gently told me after are first kiss. Con: her parents still think I’m her gay friend. Pro: the star watching atop my car while we whispered I love you even though nobody was around. My mind was filling up with so many conflicting thoughts of hate and passion.
“I hate loving you!” I screamed “I hate that even though you’ve broken my heart the memories we have keep trying to put it back together.” Lisa stopped in her tracks “What are you even talking about?” she said without turning to face the car.
“I’m talking about the time my parents were away and you stayed the night, I’m talking about the time when I held you after you had fought with your parents, I’m talking about what’s important.” Finally Lisa turned to face me; she was crying and had mascara running down her face. “I hate loving you too.” she said. I raced out of the car and into her warm embrace and as we kissed I felt the first drops of rain hit my face.

Leonard

Leonard was given hundreds of second chances in his life. In grade one when he would fail his spelling test because of not studying, in high school when he “accidentally” cheated on his long time girlfriend. Even last week at the office holiday party when he told his boss where he could put his piece of cake. Whether it was not studying or maybe having a little more jack then he needed; Leonard had made lots of mistakes. Just yesterday he forgot to forward the memo to the rest of the office to inform them that today was the day the office was to be fumigated, and as Leonard lay awake on his bed wondering if all his workmates were meeting the same fate as many cockroaches had before them, his phone began to ring. Leonard checked the caller ID as he always did, “unknown number” “what is the point in caller ID when people can have unknown numbers?” He wondered. Leonard reached for the phone reluctantly as he had made it a habit not to answer calls before noon. “Hello” he murmured “hello! You have been randomly selected as today’s big winner!” said the voice on the other line with the type of tone that is instantly filed to telemarketer in one’s brain. “Oh well lucky me then” sarcastically remarked Leonard as he tossed the phone back on to its receiver. Leonard lay back down and placed one pillow over top of his face and opened his eyes and stared into the dark abyss and pretended that this is what it felt like to drown. Leonard grew up seeing little of his dad; all he really knew was what he could over hear his mother say to her friends about him. “What a royal fuck up!” “The man is a waste of time.” “Why did I ever marry him?” These words came back to Leonard as his face was pressed against the soft pillow. The fact he never knew his father never quite bothered him, especially not now in his adulthood. It wasn’t because he didn’t care but he had bigger worries as a kid; bullies, girl’s, so his mind was far from the thoughts of the failure of a father. Plus Leonard’s mother was able to replace his father quick enough so that Leonard never really missed out on the manly life lessons that a father passes down. But as Leonard lay on his bed he wondered the fate of his father and what mistakes he had made. Did he fail his spelling tests too? Was he unfaithful? Did he have punctual work ethics? All these question’s floated through Leonard’s mind, he was becoming “the failure”. That guy who is always being told about his potential, and how” if he just put forth more effort...” His life up to this point was a failure in his eyes and those around him; he never actually tried in life. Just floated by, turning down opportunity one by one due to pure laziness. Leonard threw the pillow off his face and took in that first fresh breath off air that cooled his whole body. He picked up his clothes and got dressed. The engine sputtered alive and Leonard was off, to where all men go who feel like losers. The hummer dealership.

Introduction

Welcome! To Ready, Set ... Discuss this is just a blog that I will be filling with all my different types of writing (short stories, monologues, journal entrys etc.) feel free to leave any sort of comments behind maybe even one of your storys for me to read. please enjoy my blog and keep checking back for more updates!